Nightmare AirBNB (Part 1)
"I thought AirBNBs were supposed to be fun," my little brother Simon complained.
He's 13 and he's always complaining. That's why I had my headphones on, trying not to have to hear him. Or my parents who were suddenly bickering like they were the teenagers. Way to set an example, guys. But we were all jammed into the rental car and it was impossible to avoid hearing anything. So annoying.
"It will be, Sime, promise," Dad said but he was side-eyeing Mom like she had just ruined his day. "Honey, can you check the reservation again? I was pretty sure I booked a 3 floor luxury condo. Not a cheesy studio in an apartment building." That said through gritted teeth.
Mom sighed the way she normally does when Simon forgets, yet again, to pick up his dirty underwear in the bathroom after a shower. He's so gross. I've never heard her sigh at Dad like that though. I take off one of the headphones and lean over the seat to see Mom's phone where she has the reservation pulled up on the screen. I make note of the name of the apartment building and look it up on my phone, sitting back against the seat, almost grateful the middle seat is taken up with luggage so I don't actually have to see Simon on the other side.
"Yeah, they have 2 floor luxury condos in there according to the floor plans. 3 floor ones too. Pretty swish if you ask me!"
I smiled, satisfied that we were about to have a great vacation and get to see the State Fair from a very stylish place where we could, of all amazing things, walk to like 50 restaurants, salons, and clothing stores for shopping because they were all on the first floors of the buildings. We were literally staying upstairs from a mall. This was maybe going to be worth leaving behind my boyfriend for the summer and all the hours of visiting family I didn't want to do.
"That's probably a bad word, Mom," Simon sounded off.
Mom flashed me a distracted yet annoyed look. "You can't use language like that, Serena. I've asked you repeatedly-"
"It means ‘fancy', Mom." I slap the headphone back over my ear and go back to texting Joe.
Dad suddenly turned around in his seat and yanked my phone out of my hand, tearing the headphones off my ears in the process. Startled, I shrank back into the seat behind me. "What?!"
"Your mother was talking to you. That's enough, young lady. This is mine for the rest of the day!" And he disappeared back around to the front of the car, pulling wires along with him.
I pulled apart two bags in between Simon and me and punched him in the shoulder. "Little a-hole."
That was the end of everything apparently. The entire car was filled with shouting from every seat. Which, honestly, was a refreshing change from how we normally are. Mom and Dad happily singing to the oldies on the radio, annoying the heck out of both of us in the back. Simon and I are always supposed to be the perfect example to everyone else so we act like we love every second of it. And fight in secret then promise not to tell our parents about it later.
When all was said and done, Mom and Dad weren't speaking to one another unless they absolutely had to. Simon was smirking because I'd been grounded a second day from my phone and he knew how much I needed the sanity of my friends and TikTok when I was stuck with my family! I was fuming and I vowed Simon would pay, one way or another, when he least expected it. I had some good plans and plenty of time to carry them out now.
While Mom called the AirBNB host, Dad silently parked the car. We didn't take anything out of it with us, except Mom's purse, in case we really weren't in the right place. Dad looked up at the building and sighed. Obviously he wasn't impressed but I had seen the interior shots on the company website. It was going to be great. I even had my own room. No sharing with the twerp.
Mom punched in the door code and let us into the building lobby which ended with a bank of elevators. Convenient. "She said she's up there to let us in, Jerry," Mom said as we fitted ourselves into the elevator and it took us up.
Simon watched the numbers flash on the panel of buttons inside the elevator and I could tell from the look on his face that he was wondering what would happen to him if he pushed all the buttons.
"Don't even think about it, plank," I growled and Simon cut his eyes at me. Sometimes I just wanted to smack the expressions right off his face.
"Mom," he said calmly. "Rena called me a plank."
Mom almost looked at me, her eyes swinging almost away from her phone, but the look didn't connect. "Serena, what have I said about name-calling?" she asked and sighed but I could tell it was more irritation with the phone and the situation with the AirBNB than it was with me.
It was my turn to smirk at Simon. I mouthed "plank" at him as we passed a floor that was clearly the setting of a raging party. Music and chatter exploded past us and dragged downward until we were above it. That seemed promising. Maybe there would be boys. Sorry, Joe...
Eventually the elevator door opened to reveal a very nice hallway lined periodically with ornate, royal blue doors. Each one indicated sequentially with the number of the floor and a letter of the alphabet.
Dad sighed this time. "Which one is it, Patricia?" he bit out, holding out the last vowel in her name like a bratty teenager. I almost giggled. Dad's glare might have killed me if I had.
Mom waved her hand down the hall. "Six-"
A door, about halfway down the hallway, burst open and out sailed a woman who looked less like an average AirBNB host - we've stayed in a lot of them over the past few years - than a real estate agent or something. She had her hair bleached platinum blonde to within an inch of its life and piled on the top of her head with little butterfly clips twinkling in the hall lights, bright princess pink lipstick and tight-lined eyes. Her soft, middle-aged body was squeezed into a stiff-looking, bright pink skirt suit that was so modest I thought maybe my mother had dressed her.
I braced myself for the inevitable chicken-fried country twang and was actually shocked when I didn't hear it as she called out, "Hello, Donnegars! You're the Donnegars, right?"
She looked desperate to be right for some reason. She had to be the weirdest persona I have ever seen in real life and that's saying a lot. I am, after all, almost a senior in high school and high school girls are ALL personas.
Mom and Dad picked up the pace to meet this bizarre woman down the hall. Simon and I looked at each other, silently both completely weirded out and immediately on the same side without a word spoken. Past half hour entirely forgotten.
"I'm Millie Bartholomew. I wanted to make sure that you got in alright. Sometimes those lockboxes can be tricky, am I right?" She laughed boisterously and I saw that there was sweat beading on her upper lip.
Simon looked at me and mouthed, "What's wrong with her?"
I shrugged and simply followed along as Millie Bartholomew guided us into unit 6P. The lights were off but she flipped them on as we entered. She had been standing there in the dark waiting for us? What in the world? Maybe she just liked the grand reveal and turned them off before she walked into the hall? Simon kept catching my eye but things seemed to settle as nothing out of the ordinary happened after that.
Millie showed us around the condo which was indeed as grand as I'd expected. We entered on the middle floor, a stair spiraling upward to the left and a second one spiraling downward to the right. The entry hall was short and led into the open floor which was split in two by the kitchen in the middle. On the left was the dining area and a little hall that led to a bathroom and sauna alongside the kitchen. On the right was the living area with the comfiest sectional, massive screen tv, and a balcony with a hot tub!
Downstairs was a game room with a pool table and game consoles. Simon was in heaven. Especially because it turned out that our bedrooms were both down on that level. Each one had its own bathroom too. No more waiting for him to finish taking a shower and wading through his underwear! Huzzah!
The upstairs was the Master bedroom with its own sitting area, jacuzzi tub bathroom, and all sorts of things I didn't care about because I wouldn't be up there at all during our stay. I just hoped my parents would remember that it wasn' sound proof because it was more of a loft. No door to lock!
Millie seemed to be completely calm by the end of the tour. I was pretty sure she was a real estate agent by then too. It was like she was trying to sell us the place even though we had clearly already paid to book it for the week.
"Well, it's Friday, and I'm sure you have great plans for the weekend! I will get out of your hair." Millie laughed too loudly again and Simon made a small sound of amusement. Later I found out that he'd been counting her weird laughs and she'd done 17 of them before finally leaving.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5