Jane (Part 1)
She'd sat there so quietly for a year and a half, hardly opening her mouth or getting involved in the office conversations. It was a small office, perhaps 25 people at its largest, but now only 15 people remained. So they all knew how Jane Whitmore always sat with her eyes glued to the computer screen, her fat back and frizzy dark hair turned to the rest of the office, tuning out the chatter and general chaos, tap-tapping her reports out.
They had also all seen how she would instantly become animated if someone directly spoke to her. She was a keen conversationalist if someone else began the exchange. Always informative and intelligent sounding, she used large words and spoke with authority. If spoken to first. After the dialog she would turn her eyes back to the computer and ignore the office behind her again.
The fact that she would not engage in the office gossip fests and character assassinations of those who dared to come into the office and attempt to improve functionality had worked several of Jane's co-worker's into a lather.
"Who does she think she is? Is she too good for us or what?" Dana griped during one of the after-hours get-togethers a few of them organized at the bar across the street on Fridays.
Sipping at a half glass of red wine, Isabel rolled her eyes. "No kidding. Have you heard how she talks?" She affected a slightly deeper and nasally voice, "'Oh it was prestidigitation with fortuitous gesticulations of blah blah blah.'"
Dana giggled, "Seriously, what the hell is that?"
Francie sat forward conspiratorially. "I heard she's friends with Pete. They talk on the office messenger system."
Pete, the recent subject of their open dislike, was the office jerk. He had demonstrated a complete lack of social propriety with his over the top pleasantness, rambunctious friendliness and politically-grounded sense of humor. He was supremely good-looking, favoring Colin Farrell, yet he had not flirted with a one of them. They hated him.
Isabel's eyes widened but then she just shook her head and sighed. "She's so desperate. I mean she has to be. Have you seen her?"
Dana giggled again.
"Fattest person I've ever seen up close. She must have stock in lard," Francie said with a derisive snicker. "Did you see the fat rolls when her shirt rode up in the back earlier?"
"Oh and her hair. Good grief. Someone ought to give her a makeover," said Isabel.
"Sure, but she's disgusting. I mean, people like her should NOT eat a bagel every morning. And I don't care if those are frozen diet meals she eats at lunch. She obviously needs to just stop eating altogether," Dana said and flagged the waiter for another beer.
"Does she have anything other than those 5 outfits to wear or can't she find anything else in her size?" Isabel paused a beat so the other two could chime in with laughter before continuing in a tone of disgust. "The same thing every week in the same order. Purple print on Monday, black tent on Tuesday, too-tight red dress on Wednesday, yellow polka dot tent on Thursday and pink polo on Friday. EVERY week."
"Girls, girls," came a voice behind them.
All three jumped slightly as though each suspected Jane to be standing there listening to them verbally tear her apart. Turning in unison, they saw only their office manager Judith and all relaxed with light laughter.
As Judith sat she chuckled at them. "You should've seen your faces." She imitated the frozen expression of guilt and slight irritation they'd each worn.
Dana giggled and Isabel rolled her eyes again. "Well it's not like we want her to know what we're saying about her. She might go postal on us one day."
"I doubt it," Dana said. "Seriously, I'll bet she couldn't move that fast. She would probably just walk out without saying anything and never come back."
Francie sniffed, "Without saying anything? I don't think she'd leave unless she was really pissed off. Which I've never seen and they put a lot of shit on her."
Judith laughed and her inappropriately displayed and overly tanned breasts jiggled. "Oh you noticed? I keep telling the other branches they can give her things because I know she won't say no."
"I'll bet she's screaming on the inside," Dana giggled.
"Well I bet we could make her lose her cool and walk out like the retard she really is," said Isabel.
"Put your money where your mouth is, little girl," Francie challenged.
Isabel smiled wryly. "We're all in or I'm not doing a thing. We each take a turn. Whoever gets her to lose her cool gets $50 from each of the losers."
Francie nodded her agreement in a brisk businesslike way.
Judith looked upward as if mentally calculating how much that would amount to for the winner. "Ok, I'm in for the $200. I've always wondered how long I could push her before she left."
"Well I'm in. You know she tells Pete everything we say about him and that's why he gets obnoxious in my face sometimes," said Dana.
"I want first dibs," said Francie.
"First thing Monday, then," Isabel said.
And Francie echoed her with another nod, "First thing Monday.
They were all sitting in a group behind Jane in the admin cubicle area chattering about some celebrity wedding or divorce. It was all idiotic gossip designed by the magazine companies to sell their slanderous rags but they ate it up like candy. They couldn't help it and it filled their time up nicely while at work.
Isabel was surfing the Vera Wang catalog site for a wedding dress. She and Kyle, who sat on the other side of the divider with the other sales people, were possibly getting married. She hoped they were getting married. He had been dropping hints for a while now. She figured that if she talked enthusiastically about dresses and let him know her mind was there as well that he might overhear and it would be a done deal.
Francie sat on her legs beside Isabel, clicking one long, manicured nail against the screen now and then, laughing and flipping her curly hair, almost excluding Dana who swung back and forth on the swivel chair, giggling almost incessantly. From the opposite side of the large cubicle almost beside Jane, Judith barked into her phone at someone in the corporate office.
That morning Francie had gotten into the office half an hour before the rest of the workers had meandered in. Because there were no locks on non-filing cabinet desk drawers she knew she could get into Jane's desk. And she had. She'd taken a large amount of supplies from the supply closet and put them into Jane's bottom desk drawer where Jane was sure to find them when she went looking for the calculator she kept there for reports.
Now they were all waiting for Jane to open her desk drawer.
"Oh, remember when I caught Jim Dunbar stealing paper towels and then there was the time I saw Steve Noonan taking Judith's diet sodas from the fridge. I always catch people who steal." Isabel's tone was ominous and she pointedly looked at Jane who didn't change the rhythm of her typing.
"Yep. She always does," Francie said. "So whoever has been taking all the office supplies will be caught soon. I'd put money on it."
Dana giggled and they all paused as Jane reached for her drawer.
"Uh," Isabel said and all three leaned toward Jane but she was between them and the drawer so none of them could see its contents or Jane's reaction.
When Jane pulled the calculator from the drawer and turned silently back to her computer to begin calculations for some report or another, they all relaxed and frowned confusedly at each other.
"Just ignored it? Not cool," Dana said quietly.
"Judith, someone should report the theft to corporate, don't you think?" Francie asked too quickly, too loudly. She bit her lip, biting back a laugh at her own silliness. "You know, make a report so they know who to fire when Isabel catches who did it."
Judith looked up from her phone call and nodded.
Isabel eyed Jane coldly. All four went back to work at their own desks. Francie sent out an inter-office email stating that whoever had taken the office supplies could return them with no questions asked. Which was followed by a responding email from the Director of Operations who stated that whoever was found to have taken the supplies would be fired on the spot, no questions asked.
Shortly after the anticlimactic drawer incident, Dana was training with the Director of Operations to take on the position when the Director was promoted. That's when it happened. Dana reached into her drawer to get her note tablet and the Director noticed Dana had at least 10 tablets in her drawer. Upon further inspection, all of the missing supplies were found in Dana's desk.
As Dana tearfully cleared her cubicle and was escorted from the office, Jane worked.
"I know I put them in Jane's desk. Why would I put them in Dana's?" Francie insisted at the end of the day. She was nursing a beer and looking pale. Three pairs of accusing eyes were glaring at her above rims of colorful alcoholic beverages.
"You got Dana fired," Judith said pointedly, shaking her head.
Isabel said darkly, "Apparently you had a problem with Dana you never mentioned."
Dana looked bleakly at her beer bottle and pulled at the edge of the label.
"I'm sorry, Dana. But I know I put the supplies in Jane's desk. I KNOW I did." Francie said defensively.
Isabel studied Francie for a long moment. Francie was her best friend in the office. She had to give her the benefit of the doubt. Jane must've somehow known what happened and managed to sneak the supplies into Dana's desk from her own while they weren't looking. Not entirely likely but that was the only explanation Isabel was willing to accept.
"Ok. You get the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we can petition for Dana's job back," Isabel said.
"I don't really want it back. Seriously, taking over for the Director would have been a very thankless job. So who's next?"
Judith smiled slightly, "Well I will only be in the office tomorrow because I have business meetings in the north branch office the rest of this week so I'll go next. Any ideas?"
They were assembled behind Jane again in the admin cubicle, talking and laughing about some crazy celebrity who had streaked the red carpet during a drug-addled stunt the night before.
They were waiting for Jane to get up for more coffee as she seemed to do every morning at exactly 10:30. She didn't disappoint them. As soon as she was up and in the kitchen, Judith sat at Jane's desk and opened the email program.
Typing as quickly as possible while Francie kept an eye on the kitchen door, Judith wrote an email to the CEO of the corporation. With smug satisfaction she had Isabel scan it:
Dear Mr. Forth,
It has come to my attention that you are contributing to insider trading scams. Don't bother asking me how I know this. I have my sources. Please be aware that I will be contacting the authorities unless you offer me a $10,000 bonus and $1M severance package. I know the company has grossed over $3B and that your salary is largely bloated. You would not want to lose such a cushion. I feel certain you will contact me sooner rather than later. Nevertheless you have until close of business today. Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Jane Whitmore
Isabel looked at Judith with dark delight in her eyes. "It's perfect. Send it."
Francie glanced to them and said, "Don't forget to delete the email from her sent folder when you're done."
"Right," Judith agreed. She finished with the email and set the computer back the way it had been just in time for Jane to appear in the kitchen doorway with coffee and walk slowly back to her desk. Nothing was amiss when Jane sat down to work again with her computer.
Isabel snickered at her computer screen and Francie's face, flushed red with the excitement of nearly getting caught, stayed focused on her own computer screen. Judith watched Jane from the corner of her eye for a minute before her phone rang.
"This is Judith."
The caller on the other end was so irate that she could almost not make out what he was saying. Glancing at the caller ID she saw that it was Thomas Forth from the corporate office. The CEO was responding to the email already. He was practically screaming in her ear.
"And one of your employees feels she is entitled to her fair share apparently," he was saying.
"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Forth. To whom are you referring?"
As he answered, Judith's jaw dropped and she turned wide eyes toward Francie, then Isabel who looked back confusedly. Then they narrowed and she glared at Jane's turned back.
"Are you sure, Mr. Forth? She's a very good worker, sir. I can't believe she'd-"
Isabel snickered again. She wondered why Judith would take the game so far as to go to bat for Jane but whatever floated her boat and ended with Jane gone was fine with her.
"Oh. Okay. Yes, sir. I will. I'm sorry."
Judith hung up the phone and stood. Slowly she walked to Francie's desk and said in a low voice, "Francie, we have to let you go. Mr. Forth says he won't call the police if you leave immediately."
"What?" Francie looked incredulous as though she thought Judith might be playing a game with her now.
"The email," Judith said even more quietly from between gritted teeth. "Mr. Forth says it came from you. He read it to me."
"Are you joking?" Isabel demanded softly, her eyes burning holes in Jane's back. "We both saw you write and send it on HER computer. It's not even possible he received it from Francie."
"I know," Judith looked a bit wild-eyed and very anxious. "But Mr. Forth has your name and is ready to call the police if you do not leave the premises immediately."
As Francie angrily cleared her cubicle amidst grumbles between the three and was escorted from the office, Jane worked silently.