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October 10, 2025

The best thing I ever did was become a mom. And I don't mean giving birth and having a child. I mean stepping up and being the support, safety net, encourager, nurturer, and enjoyer of my child. Something that didn't happen automatically upon giving birth and having a child. There was plenty of give and take, push and pull, trial and error. But ultimately I worked at becoming the mom I wish I had had. And I've heard from my own child that I am the mom she wished I would be. I think there's still plenty of work to be done but I'm securely on the right track.

The second best thing I ever did was become a wife.

Why? Because I get to spend every single day with my best friend, laughing and bettering each other. He challenges me on so many levels and he is always loving, caring, protective, and an incredible provider. I admire and look up to my husband. I respect him and enjoy making his life better in even the small ways. I like to think we've gotten a lot of this partnership thing down pat. I am happily married and so blessed.

PTL!

 

October 9, 2025

I think some people forget that I am intelligent. Or they never allowed for me to be in their own minds and therefore are wholly unprepared to deal with me as the person I currently am. Which is why they struggle so hard to infantilize me and keep me in a small little pocket where I have to ask forgiveness for even existing if I want to get along with them. I've decided, in recent years, that I am not apologizing for existing anymore to keep the peace with these people. Either they accept me for who I am, where I am at right now, or they don't really have a place in my life.

This realization does actually come at a cost. The price is having to grieve people I thought were going to be part of my life forever. Who have shown me their true colors and now I see just how impermanent they really were.

Some people, who should have absolutely been IMPERMANENT still, however, malinger on and on. Regardless of discouragement and insistence of boundaries. Those people are the most disrespectful people I've ever known.

 

October 8, 2025

One of the oddest beliefs about Christianity, to me, is that it's a crutch. That it's some "nice" delusion we hold onto during times of trouble to get us through.

Let me tell you how wrong that is.

Christianity is an active refining of the self. It is admitting your shortcomings and imperfections. And then allowing God to go in, like a skilled surgeon, and remove or strengthen. He heals wounds but He also calls us higher.

There is peace and joy through the struggles and hardships. God never leaves us alone to fend for ourselves once we've accepted Him and been adopted into His family.

But it is not just a nice idea to cling to when life gets hard. Sometimes IT is what makes life hard. Because working on yourself and growing, learning, healing? None of it's easy. But it is so worth it.

And, if you take a look at a Christian and see them failing somehow? That's normal. We're absolutely still human beings. We're absolutely still fallible. The only people who claim to both be Christian and perfect are the ones who are lying to themselves and everyone else. There is no perfection until we get to heaven.

Until then, it's a constant struggle. But, where there is struggle, there is life. And life abundant. Full of joy and peace. Wonder and growth. Blessing and healing.

I wouldn't call that a crutch. Crutches are passive. Christianity is active. Tumultuous sometimes. But, as I said before, completely worth it.

 

October 7, 2025

Someone please explain to me why we have women writing gay smut for other women to read. No, wait, don't explain it. I don't want to know. I just wanted to point out how absolutely weird it is. What could a woman possibly know about being a man, let alone a gay one? Why in the world are women interested in reading smut on this subject? Again, nevermind. I don't want to know. I'm highly against smut. I'm not a voyeur and have no desire to consume porn in any way, shape, or form. I guess I'll never understand the mindset of a woman consuming porn. Let alone gay porn. So weird to me.

I have a million more thoughts on this but they are all judgmental and, to be honest, I don't care of people don't like that. The same people who would be mad would turn around and try to call me MAGA like it's a slur. I have a million thoughts on that too. I'm definitely not MAGA. I'm worse, sweeties. I'm a conservative Christian who loves her country and what it was founded on. So, you know, a bit nationalistic and a lot moral.

Final thoughts: Ew.

 

October 6, 2025

Sleep and I broke up over the weekend. I honestly don't know what happened but I thought we had a date on Friday night. Apparently, I did something wrong and now sleep is nowhere to be found. I mean, fair, really. I have the most bizarre dreams, feet that get too hot thanks to neuropathy, restless legs thank to neuropathy, and generally just tossing and turning and flinging out limbs. I can say, with great certainty, that I am a crazy sleeper and therefore, perhaps, this is why sleep illudes me for the moment. No worries. I'll figure out how to find sleep, wrap my arms around his neck, and drag him back where he belongs. Then I'll crack the whip. Ahem, so to speak. 😅

 

     

 

October 4, 2025

The Book of Jonah in perspective:

God says, "So, I'm going to send you to talk to the hateful people you're always talking down on Facebook because they drive you insane. And you're going to deliver them the winning lottery numbers."

You look up at Him from your comfy spot on the beach, then down at your toes, think about it a bit, grumble because that's like $1.9 trillion. Per person.

"Yeah right," you think and get on your cell phone to play Candy Crush.

After a bit, your phone stops working and blows up in your hands. On fire, you jump into the ocean and are swallowed by a big fish. Still stubborn and thinking you might be able to get your phone to work again if you just try hard enough, you spend three days avoiding God to fix it.

In the belly of a big, stinky fish.

When you finally come to terms with the fact that your phone is officially dead, you turn to God and the fish spits you out.

Trudging, stinky, and still grumbling, you deliver those winning lottery numbers and everyone wins. And, as it turns out, they REALLY needed that money. But you're so mad, even though you have just as much money in the bank yourself, you flip out and shake your fist at God.

Who then benevolently looks down at you and just quietly asks, "Should you really be mad about this?"

Best mic drop moment ever, in my opinion.

I sometimes wonder if God used Jonah because He knew Jonah would resist. Which ensured he would not look like ANY kind of hero even though his actions saved people's eternal souls. God came out looking like the hero instead. And proved He can and will circumvent whatever He needs to in order to accomplish whatever He chooses to.

To God be the glory; great things He has done.

 

October 3, 2025

Heading into spooky season toward my favorite holiday, Halloween. The air is actually crisp (if you get up at 6am like I accidentally did today and took a walk) and things feel a bit like fall here in the desert. Some of our neighbors have decor up that I love to see. My in-laws mentioned that they actually get trick-or-treaters so I am hopeful we'll finally get to have some too after 3 years across the street from a middle school in a neighborhood where the kids never came begging for candy.

And, along with all of the apparently requisite pumpkin spice nonsense that I can't stand, out trot the people on my Facebook timeline talking about how the holiday is satanic. Which, originally, I guess it was? It was, at least, pagan and therefore not Christian in origin. And Christianity never grabbed onto it and made a Christian version. Because how do you create a Christian version of a holiday where people dress up in costumes and beg for candy door-to-door? You really don't. Which is fine.

My issue with this isn't that people feel convicted against the holiday. The Holy Spirit convicts us each differently as our relationships, healing, growth, etc. progress. Some people are convicted in areas others are not. Part of that has to do with the fact that God meets us where we are at and works slowly, gently on us. If it isn't specifically mentioned in the Bible as a sin -- and Halloween is not -- then it is up to the Holy Spirit (and us to pay attention) to decide the conviction level surrounding it.

I don't celebrate anything satanic and I was never into witchcraft. Other people, who are now Christians, definitely did. I believe the Holy Spirit may convict them not to dance too close to the edge of falling back into old patterns. I, on the other hand, have had no such conviction. All I've ever celebrated was a bit of a spooky vibe, creepy movies, fun costumes, and candy. The whole neighborhood out, en masse, together, having fun and interacting. That's what Halloween is for me. And I quite like it.

I've never felt convicted about enjoying Halloween. So, when I see people posting on Facebook, declaring the celebration or participation in it to be satanic and demonic and whatever else? My hackles raise. It feels like using shame and guilt or even fearmongering to stop people from doing something they've been personally convicted about but that is not, to everyone, sinful.

Shame, guilt, and fear are not motivators. They never should be used as such. And, if there really was a clear definition of Halloween in that respect, I'd need a Bible passage to back that up. There never is one. If I am in the wrong, I hope that the Holy Spirit will choose to convict me. So far, He never has.

 

October 2, 2025

Women, are you okay?

Watched a TikTok earlier where a woman recorded a very odd man following her through NYC. This man was clearly unkempt, walked on his tiptoes in a bouncy and odd way, and looked directly at the camera a few times with a strange, blank expression. Definitely creepy, no doubt about it. Not the norm. At all.

One of the comments was from a woman saying that he was "the reason we choose the bear."

When I tell you I CACKLED. 😂😂

This one-off oddball in NYC? This strange man who just behaved like no other man I have ever met in my life? He? HE is the reason you'd rather face a bear in the forest than be around men?

Poor thing must live in a VERY weird place if that guy was representative of all men for her.

Also, it's 2025. I didn't think mentioning the bear was edgy anymore. We get it, you hate men. It's old meme at this point. Because let's be honest. It's hate, not fear. If you actually feared men, you wouldn't go out of your way to rub their faces in the fact you'd choose to face a bear over them.

A woman who has a real reason to be afraid of a man would be too scared he'd feed her to the bear himself to say anything that might upset him.

Stop pretending to be a victim. Just own up to your misandry so we know who we are and are not going to include in our girl weekends. Hint: No haters allowed.

PS: Don't bother coming for me about this. I do know there are legitimate victims and I was not referring to them. And you know it.

 

October 1, 2025

The biggest challenge with church today ISN'T trying to fit in when there are a million cliques you can't join. It's trying to hear God through the human beings who are not speaking properly for Him.

It is NOT cute or funny to have congregants speak abusive, hateful language over their loved ones.

If one more pastor asks me to turn to my spouse and tell him he's a loser or he's going to be forgotten, etc. because it "humorously" fits a double entendre for the message...

My husband is not a loser. And even if he will be forgotten eventually from this earth -- he does not deserve to have his wife tell him that to his face!

People who are not strong in their faith or have no faith yet at all ARE being put off by this. For many, the truth of the Gospel is off-putting enough. Why are we adding a whole level of actual hatefulness to it??

Speaking mean things to each other for humor isn't a Christian principle and I'm not sure why pastors now think it's a great way to relate to their congregants. How about getting outside of your Christian bubble and understanding the people you're talking to.

It's almost as bad as the generation of pastors that would (and some still) do that "wink wink nudge nudge, am I right, ladies? lol" from the pulpit to make "humorous" mention of men's lust and porn addictions.

And if you think I don't have a sense of humor because I find this all more hurtful than funny, you don't know me well. Saying mean things to my husband isn't funny.

End of.